Sometimes I get lost in what I am doing. I forget where it is that I am going and what it is I aim to do. I lose myself in the moment and the thoughts I have. Imagine, being lost in your own head. Imagine, being lost and stuck in the same place.
Why don’t I know where I am going yet?
A few years ago, I had a dream with one of my teachers. This person was so kind and nurturing that I believe I subconsciously placed the desire for nurturing with a physical desire for the person. This is where it starts.
I like going back to where things begin. When I do this, I have a better understanding of what, why, and how things happen next. I reflect on these events and aim to create a clearer picture than the one I had while going through the motions.
A dare to get closer turned into a tragic attraction. I eventually settled for a friendship. A beautiful friendship that flourished in admiration and respect. There was very little I did not share. The dream I once had, turned into a little inside tease that felt like it could never harm me.
What was I so afraid of?
A challenge I had to meet face to face. A fear to overcome. I was stuck in what to write. How to write. I was given the challenge to explore those dreams once again and expand on them. Dive into the depth of fantasy and imagination to create a dream on paper. This is exactly what I was afraid of. Confrontation.
Not getting into the details of it (for it might just come back up in another post) my dearest teacher and I have become estranged to one another. I was left stuck with this journal of stories, not just of the teacher, but of others around me who have had a similar impact on me.
So what now, cat?
Now, I blog.